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Where Does it Come From?

6/17/2013

4 Comments

 
We (Jim and I) have been doing DD for quite a while now. What started off as an on-again, off-again thing has become a more permanent fixture. If nothing else, it is a common topic of conversation. Something I have always wanted to know is, where does this desire come from?

You know what I'm talking about, ladies. The desire to have a man be in control, to have his take care of you and protect you--even when it's from yourself. As it so often is, am I right? I used to be ashamed of this need. After all, women burned theirs bras in protest many, many years ago, and here I am , practically spitting in the face of everything they fought for. I want a man that I can lean on, depend on, and count on even if that means for correction. Especially for correction, depending on the day.

For as long as I can recall I have been a spanko. Even when I was a kid, playing on the playground, a lot of my pretend play involved spanking. If we were playing house, I was the mom and the dad was giving the child a spanking. If I was playing with my baby dolls, they had all been naughty and were in trouble. You get the picture. Still, despite the deep desire to be spanked is an even bigger desire to have a lifestyle where I am held accountable to someone else. 

So often I think I want too much. More and more lately Jim is showing himself to be either disinterested or overly lenient where DD is concerned. I have tried talking to him about it again and again, laying my needs out on the table and all I get is, "I know, I know." It is beyond frustrating. The thing is, for a couple of months we had a great DD relationship. Don't ask me where it went wrong, I can't tell you. After having had a taste, I can't go back. I now know that a DD relationship is a deep, pulsing need that has to be fulfilled. But at times like these, when I am not getting what I need, nor know if I ever will again, it sure would be helpful to know where this desire--this need--comes from. Maybe then I could get rid of it. 

Oh, well, on the plus side, I write much better when I am fueled by longing. So there's that at least. :)    

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4 Comments
maryanne link
6/19/2013 02:12:31 am

in the beginning when i brought the idea to my husband (i think it was january) he asked me where this came from too, and i didn't have much of an answer. what we both new was that we BOTH loved spanking. he loved doing it and i loved getting it. for years as foreplay he'd smack my backside here and there, once or twice, but nothing serious in any way, and certainly not for a rule, broken. i have always known i was a spanko, just like you, same playground "fun" and i love lucy was a big favorite in our house. so yeah. i get that. i totally feel ya.

over these last many months i've done a LOT of soul-searching on why it is i love this need to be taken over his lap and spanked. i don't know if this is my final discovery on the matter, but i have found that it "empties my mind" after i've been spanked. i am untethered yet connected in the deepest of ways to my husband, who in turn, loves how it makes HIM feel when he's connecting with me--in such an obvious way.

he isn't much on rules. he says "you're a grown woman. you've acted responsively for your entire life so i'm not going to start making you stand in the corner now." however, i DO get into trouble for having negative thoughts and for worrying. he doesn't like me to dwell on things that put stress on my mind, yet i do it EVERY day. he says, "let me do the worrying" but that's hard. so this is probably the biggest thing i get into trouble for and boy howdy, do i.

i do not have all the answers but i know this, dd gives me release. i'm able to let go whereas before starting dd i would keep it all pent up and then i'd have a meltdown about silly things. dd keeps me very balanced. i am thrilled to have found it, because apparently for us, it works.

you hang in there! my husband isn't very consistent either, but he's working on it. he adores me so the thought of spanking me to tears isn't something he enjoys doing, however i have told him that sometimes it's necessary. we don't have safe words or anything like that. we're not into bondage. we're into being level-headed and feeling free. does that make sense!? lol

maybe instead of trying so hard to live a dd lifestyle, you could just let him know when your mind is getting too heavy and you need him to help you let go. maybe from there it will grow into something more structured but i think forcing it will cause you to be in the place you're finding yourself now. i hope things get better. :)

hugs,
m.

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Missy
6/19/2013 02:35:08 am

Hi :)

I found you through the Ldd network and thought ill come and say hi :)

Wow I used to do that too, you know with my dolls always in trouble lol

It's weird, I wouldn't call myself a spanko though, as I hate getting spanked and get really upset and stressed when I know I'm due a punishment. But I wouldn't change our dynamic, as much as I hate the spanking, I know I need it to reset me, so it's even more confusing in my head lol

It's hard dealing with I consistency, but just keep it light and talk and communicate. Don't make it a chore, make it fun and take it from there.
Sorry don't have really good advise, as very one is different in the way they live this life. You have to find what works for you and your relationship and take it one step at a time. Maybe talk to your H and try and find out what changed in his mind, for him to stop being consistent. Most if the time there is a good reason behind it and they can't talk about it at first, but with love and encouragement, they usually open up.

Anyway welcome to blog land and I'm hoping to get H to allow me to download your book soon, can't wait to read it :)

Hugs Missy x

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Dinah
6/19/2013 02:37:26 am

Thanks for stopping by, Missy! You know, you just described me. I LOVE spanking when it's fun. When it's a punishment, I absolutely hate it. I think it's part of the whole process.
Thanks for your interest on the book, Missy! I hope you will be able to read it, and definitely let me know what you think!!

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Dinah
6/19/2013 02:35:36 am

Thanks so much Marryanne I really enjoyed reading your comment. Thanks for taking the time to write me!

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