You know what I'm talking about, ladies. The desire to have a man be in control, to have his take care of you and protect you--even when it's from yourself. As it so often is, am I right? I used to be ashamed of this need. After all, women burned theirs bras in protest many, many years ago, and here I am , practically spitting in the face of everything they fought for. I want a man that I can lean on, depend on, and count on even if that means for correction. Especially for correction, depending on the day.
For as long as I can recall I have been a spanko. Even when I was a kid, playing on the playground, a lot of my pretend play involved spanking. If we were playing house, I was the mom and the dad was giving the child a spanking. If I was playing with my baby dolls, they had all been naughty and were in trouble. You get the picture. Still, despite the deep desire to be spanked is an even bigger desire to have a lifestyle where I am held accountable to someone else.
So often I think I want too much. More and more lately Jim is showing himself to be either disinterested or overly lenient where DD is concerned. I have tried talking to him about it again and again, laying my needs out on the table and all I get is, "I know, I know." It is beyond frustrating. The thing is, for a couple of months we had a great DD relationship. Don't ask me where it went wrong, I can't tell you. After having had a taste, I can't go back. I now know that a DD relationship is a deep, pulsing need that has to be fulfilled. But at times like these, when I am not getting what I need, nor know if I ever will again, it sure would be helpful to know where this desire--this need--comes from. Maybe then I could get rid of it.
Oh, well, on the plus side, I write much better when I am fueled by longing. So there's that at least. :)